Finals are over

So I know that I'm not supposed to step on the scale but I did. I can tell that I am still gaining weight which is frustrating. I try to tell myself that it is ok but I don't really believe it. So last week at the gym I wanted to know how much I've gained so my curiosity got the best of me and I weighed myself. I've gained 10 pounds since I started doing intuitive eating and that sucks. So for the last week, my weight has been at the back of my mind and I've felt really crappy and so for whatever reason, I've been eating a lot - more than my body wants or needs. Maybe I'm punishing myself, maybe I'm letting myself get too hungry or eating before I'm hungry so I can't tell when I'm full. Basically I have not been focusing on me or my body for the last few weeks and now that finals are over and I have a second to think about these things, I don't feel so good - physically or emotionally. 

BUT - I'm not done. Believe me, I've thought about it. Do you know how easy it would be for me to go on diet right now and lose those 10 pounds in no time? Wow - even saying that makes me cringe because I really do believe in these Intuitive Eating principles. I'm writing this blog post to remind myself that this is a process and I can learn from my experiences.

Happy Holidays and eat whatever you want!

I overate in Baton Rouge, LA

I was out of town last week. I overate. I figured out why. I ate at chains - because I was alone and didn't know where the good places were to eat were. I thought if I ate at Chilis, Taco Bell and Quiznos I'd be safe because at least I know what I was getting into. Well they were all gross. Why would it be so much worse than the chains in Utah? I don't know. But because I didn't love the food, I felt deprived so I went to Walmart and bought peanut M&Ms, Oreos and Hot Tamales. It is important to eat something that makes you not only full but satisfied because it tastes good.

Discovery

OK so this may seem like a big DUH to everyone out there. It was a real enlightening discovery for me. So obviously I have some body image issues. I know that in order to make peace with food and truly be happy I need to be able to accept myself as is and not ever focus on losing weight. So I was thinking about this and trying to come up with ways I can accept myself and this thought came to me:

"Take care of yourself (eat well and exercise) because you love your body."

I know, not anything new but it sure was to me. I realized that sometimes I overeat because I don't think I deserve to feel good (physically or emotionally). It is like I am punishing myself or something. I've been thinking about this for the last few weeks and it has helped. I still have to remind myself of this everyday but I think it is working. IE - we are on our way.

Blindfold Eating

In my last session with J we did a little experiment called "Blind fold eating". It is a bit embarrassing because you have to eat without looking at the food and you are likely to make a mess. I brought a bacon burger and cheese fries from here:

Then she put one of these on me:

I took a few deep breaths, checked in with my hunger and fullness level and started eating. During each bite, J asked me questions about what the temperature, smell, taste was like. Was it as good as I expected? What foods stand out in each bite? I loved really thinking about what I ate. I thought it was a cool experience. I thought I was eating pretty slowly but at one point J told me to stop and wait. We talked about the experience for a bit and then asked me to check in with my hunger and fullness. Wow - I was satisfied and if I hadn't stopped, I would have eaten the whole thing. I took the blindfold off and realized that I ate about 2/3 of the hamburger and not much at all of the fries. It was amazing. My assignment this week was to do something similar twice a week with my own meals - not necessarily blindfold myself but to really try and be mindful while I eat. It works when I actually take the time to do it. I learned that I eat at a 3 and I thought it was a 2. I eat too fast. I don't focus on the tastes, smells, temperature and textures enough.

Intuitive Eating #3

I would like to have another IE meeting next Thursday, November 29th at 8:00 PM. I know this is a busy time of year but it will be good to discuss holiday strategies for eating intuitively as well as Chapter 7 - Making Peace With Food. Who is in?

Intuitive Eating Meeting 2

This was the group that met tonight and discussed chapter 9.

This meeting went well - it started out on completely different topics and I wondered if we'd ever get around to discussing the chapter - Feel Your Fullness. We did and it seemed that everyone had a lot of good things to say. I know it helped me to refocus and try hard to listen to my body and stop when I should. M even suggested, getting up and going to the bathroom to be sure that you take that "time out" or break from eating - to check in away from the food and away from the conversation. There was a discussion about wasting food and how we have been taught to clean our plates etc. The principle of permission came up. When we give ourselves permission to eat anything or to allow ourselves to come back to the food later if we want, we really can stop eating. I have read this chapter probably three times and I still have a really hard time with it. I started taking this IE thing seriously back in May and I'm sure I have only gained weight and not lost any. I know I have made progress in other ways - like making peace with different kinds of food and learning from my experiences. These meetings really help me. Meeting with J also really helps me - I haven't seen her for three weeks and I can feel it. I'm seeing her tomorrow - thank goodness. It is always nice to have someone to talk to about these things - someone who knows, who gets it.

Positive Eating Experience #4 - or was it?

Monday night I was at dinner with S and we both ordered the salad and one slice of pizza deal. I ate both and still felt hungry - now because I am an intuitie eater, I thought I should order another slice of pizza so I did. It was soooooo good. I ate the whole thing and surpassed my fullness level and felt sick after. Should I have waited a bit before ordering the second piece of pizza or should I have simply stopped midway throgh the second piece? This IE thing is really hard.