Sunday, November 18, 2007
I was out of town last week. I overate. I figured out why. I ate at chains - because I was alone and didn't know where the good places were to eat were. I thought if I ate at Chilis, Taco Bell and Quiznos I'd be safe because at least I know what I was getting into. Well they were all gross. Why would it be so much worse than the chains in Utah? I don't know. But because I didn't love the food, I felt deprived so I went to Walmart and bought peanut M&Ms, Oreos and Hot Tamales. It is important to eat something that makes you not only full but satisfied because it tastes good.
OK so this may seem like a big DUH to everyone out there. It was a real enlightening discovery for me. So obviously I have some body image issues. I know that in order to make peace with food and truly be happy I need to be able to accept myself as is and not ever focus on losing weight. So I was thinking about this and trying to come up with ways I can accept myself and this thought came to me:
"Take care of yourself (eat well and exercise) because you love your body."
I know, not anything new but it sure was to me. I realized that sometimes I overeat because I don't think I deserve to feel good (physically or emotionally). It is like I am punishing myself or something. I've been thinking about this for the last few weeks and it has helped. I still have to remind myself of this everyday but I think it is working. IE - we are on our way.
In my last session with J we did a little experiment called "Blind fold eating". It is a bit embarrassing because you have to eat without looking at the food and you are likely to make a mess. I brought a bacon burger and cheese fries from here:
Then she put one of these on me:
I took a few deep breaths, checked in with my hunger and fullness level and started eating. During each bite, J asked me questions about what the temperature, smell, taste was like. Was it as good as I expected? What foods stand out in each bite? I loved really thinking about what I ate. I thought it was a cool experience. I thought I was eating pretty slowly but at one point J told me to stop and wait. We talked about the experience for a bit and then asked me to check in with my hunger and fullness. Wow - I was satisfied and if I hadn't stopped, I would have eaten the whole thing. I took the blindfold off and realized that I ate about 2/3 of the hamburger and not much at all of the fries. It was amazing. My assignment this week was to do something similar twice a week with my own meals - not necessarily blindfold myself but to really try and be mindful while I eat. It works when I actually take the time to do it. I learned that I eat at a 3 and I thought it was a 2. I eat too fast. I don't focus on the tastes, smells, temperature and textures enough.